mamahog 'n the lets

as opposed to too much arse...

Got this 'meme'* from over at lelly'sblogalicious
. as she said she would be interested to see my (among others) answers, and as i was involved in brain/template meltdown, i figured why not?!!
(*although I also don't actually know what a 'meme' is. What does that mean?? literally 'ME, ME'? How is it pronounced...mimi, meem, mem-mee?)

1. When was the last time you had sex?
last night...or rather very early this morning.

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
i don't understand the question.

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
always.

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
someONE? I am in a constant state of crush... but the only ones i'm willing to reveal are superstar (squint your eyes and say that quickly in a whisper) crushes.. among others are currently: sean penn, clive owen, mathew mcconaughey, patrick dempsey, john cusack..., some other dudes i've mentioned in previous posts, and a few HNT'ers!!

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
loo roll

6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble?
*nastassja kinski-i was young, but i was told this many times by many people during the 80's. i've not heard it since.
*greta garbo- the person was quite aged and nostaljic/blind
*liza minelli- the person is now in a shallow grave.


7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
grilled artichoke, peppers and aubergine with olive oil and lots of black pepper. or roka or spinach and white cheese. mmmmmmm

9. Do you crack your knuckles?
No! yuck!

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
Any of the turgid dross James (soon-to-be-a-new-form-of-rhyming-slang) Blunt spews forth. (thats lelly's answer but mine is identical)

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
no. i've devolped a gratuitous misery filter in my brain since it got stuck there a month or so ago.

12. What are your super powers?
i am multi tasking queen of the universe. i can dance faster than light. i can put my feet behind my head making me a bit like elastagirl but not much, i can get my kids to do everything except say hello to strangers and i can cook a mean steak and beer pie.

13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
a wicked stepfather, and the end of my marriage whilst pregnant with twins. equally miserable.

14. Where are your car keys?
in my dreams.

15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
Anyone who stops by.

16. What's your most annoying habit?
biting my nails. i have stopped for the last 2 months (again!), but still seem to nibble the thumb nails when i'm not looking.

17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
to a trance festival to see the eclipse in antalya. it was incredible.

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
god there's so many. cuntoleesa rice or blair or shrub or bin laden or that plonker in south dakota or the other one in south carolina, or should i continue??

19. What is your best physical feature?
i'm not sure. ex hubby said my tiny tits, madagascar boy said my mouth, this one says my arse. one before said my legs and a girlfriend says my nose! i think i'll go with my right elbow..

20. What CD is closest to you right now?
literally? burl ives junior choice.

21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Cheese. Wine. fruit juice.

22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
that really annoying magpie thing, i'm not too keen on breaking mirrors actually, but i don't really believe either.

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
no. not that i can but i wouldn't if i could.

26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender? If you don't know what your parents would've chosen, what name would you choose for your other-gendered self?
hamish apparently.

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
fever. the elvis version. i'm pretty damn good at it too.

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
Back...to the swinging sixties, maaan! (also lelly's answer- also identical... i WANT a von furstenbug for less than £200, ooh and biba shoes!)

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
between star wars and blade runner.... so hard... for such different reasons.

30. What CD is in your stereo?
gorillaz' demon days.

31. What OCD qualities do you have?
everything must be picked up from the floor before i can relax and do anything else. my shoes should be tidy on the shelves. otherwise we pretty much live in chaos. but i do like things to be CLEAN.

32. How many kids do you want to have?
dunno any more. have 2 who are perfect. would like more in theory but only if i am 100% SURE that i am with a good man who will stay and love them too. and i'm not sure i could ever be sure!

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
See question 4!

34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
hell yeah!

35. What do you do when no one is watching?
The list is too huge... (ditto lelly cop out!)

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
tilda swinton in my dreams! ooh or mila jovovich! um seriously.... i've no bloomin idea.

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Peacefully in my sleep...a long, long time from now. (ditto lelly)

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
sherbert dips, and real winter mixture without wrappers when they were all different shapes and all tasted different.

39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
mary poppins. though luckily i quite like all the 50 odd we own!

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
the counting crows back when they were releasing the first album. adam and the ants (heehee)!! the happy mondays, the stone roses, massive attack, roy ayers, gil scott heron. macy gray, elvis costello, ben harper.... shall i go on?

41. Have you ever been in love?
Four times. i think thats enough for now.

42. Do you talk to yourself?
most of the time apparently.

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
(i don't like that question. not only because there are sadly many many people that could do with falling off the face of the earth nowadays, but its also just a depresssing place to stop.)
so as this is MY blog i'm substituting it with 'is there anybody you wish would come back to earth?'
YES. elvis and jonny cash, so i can see them in concert.

there ya go! sorted.

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Labels: questionable past lives

hi guys.

i'm battling with this new template as you can see....

i like the way it looks but as i moved to haloscan i\ve lost all my old comments. i knew this would happen, but as i see someone else has got it so that they show when you click the title, i'm trying to work out how to do the same.

its not working.

i'm getting frustrated.

and as your comments are often funnier than my posts i may have to return to the original if i don't have any luck!

anyway guys hope you had/are having a great weekend*

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i had planned to show my legwarmered footsies today for half nekkid thursday. but as there is a GreatArseOff happening all around us at the same time i decided to stick with the topic. this is a self portrait so noone can tell me it cant be done! as for the legwarmers... you'll just have to hold your excitement till next week*



my original GreatArseOff post which sort of explains it is 2 posts down. as it says there, this a keep yer kit ON affair. you can scroll down there to see the lets and i with fully covered, regular day job bottoms....

and all these lovely people have their fully clothed derrieres up too:

grunt
markis
sexylovepits
jessica's three INch crack
colleen's hubby
denise d
roxie
heatherfeather
logophile
neal's front bottom (honorable mention)
neal's upgrade
rob's front bottom (dis-honorable mention) / 'fuquad' where his words go to die*
underpantman
cash trying to pretend he's above such silliness but to no avail / cash uncensored
becca / beccaberry's blog
bellarosa
cow girl

so come on guys get your underfrillies back on and show us your bums*

i hope you all have a really happy hnt! and if you deserve a compliment, click here and get a few!

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Labels: hnt

although i had every intention of leaving the GreatArseOff up first for another day at least, its been and gone and got knocked off the top spot by a very small prick. honestly the post below is much more pleasing to the eye. skip this and go down on me darlings.

but i just had to mention this...

i can't prove he is and i don't want to thank you very much. however by the weight of evidence i challenge any of you to prove me wrong.

another tiddly todgered man (i'm not even sure if the term 'man' really applies either but to save on space and trying to find my thesaurus i'll stick with it for now.) wants to ban my rabbit and me actually (if you read the wording), from south carolina.

now i obviously have no intention of going to south carolina anyway at present. my weekend in london will be all the spring break i need for now and rabbits are encouraged in london anyway! but if i did, and any of you who are, do not attempt to take anything with you that could be, in any way, pleasurable.

also nothing that looks even remotely like a normal or 30%extra free cucumber. no naked pictures of your loved one, no pearl panties, no raunchy literature (that includes gq magazine since i found porn written by a woman in it in January's edition- i rather liked it but south carolina wont!), no leather and no movies containing nudity.

i mean puleeeaaase. read this bill would you?! this kind of nonsense makes me want to post 'Nasty' pictures of myself and then email them to his dog.

he is obviously completely inadequate in the trouser department and terrified of mrs boiling springs getting hold of a plastic pee pee which would nail his into the plug hole with just a look. in fact guys lets send her a few now... her address is here.
i mean before this truly obscene piece of toilet paper becomes law we should at least help her and the pool boy have some fun.

the only reason weenie willies and the uptight tits would want to ban sex toys is fear. fear of fun fear of women, fear of other men, fear of other women, fear of eyes and sight and free thought. fear of life. hell if they get away with this they'll be wanting female circumcision before we know it. these very very sad unfuckedwitts are quite tragic and really could do with a good go on my chrome effect revolving head. or even my purple egg blow job machine, or even my pinky double header but sadly that ones out of order at present.... this is on my wish list...

if these guys really want to encourage healthy loving marital relationships and the end of abortion, wouldn't it make more sense to encourage fulfilling sexual relationships within marriage? wouldn't it be better if more teenage girls learnt about orgasms and so were less likely to bow to peer pressure and shag guys because it was 'expected'? Wouldn't the increased availability of non violent/exploitative, decent pornography mean that people were happier to pleasure themselves and less likely to go looking/stalking elsewhere? i heard recently that pornography was banned in the us army and that many units ban all sexual activity. and yet we are shocked when US soldiers rape their female counterparts. it doesn't excuse it. they were obviously already sick arseholes. but it does add to the likelyhood that they will manifest their sickness outside of their own cotbeds.

we are a sexual lot most of us no matter how much we may try to hide/fight it. being aware of our bodies and comfortable with our sexuality is crucial to our happiness and to our ability to relate to others. Suppress it and sickness and violence will ensue. look at the catholic church fer gaia's sake.

i'm not condoning or disapproving of rampant sex with countless strangers with plastic bananas and marbles on strings. publicly at least.

what i am doing is saying 'get out of MY bed if you're not fun enough'. and get out of his and hers, ooh and sHe doesn't want you either. its our business, and as long as i have my cartoon porn, my sexy shoes, my underwear and my TOYS, believe me i will be of NO risk to society.

but i warn you... try to take them away from me, and minute-masculinity or no, i will search it out with a magnifying glass, find it, snip it off and feed it to my cats with spermicidal sauce.

i am talking to you mr prissyprick. you have been warned.

BTW anyone here from south carolina, it really does look like a lovely place. but if this wouldbetosserifhecouldonlylocateit does actually get his way, you could try looking here for your groceries*


honestly. really this kind of arsewipery plays havoc with the tone and look of my blog. can't we do something to stop the ploriferation of these bottomfeeders so i can get back to being a cool, sexy, family blog wif pretty pictures?

and btw again sorry- but who knew that women were paid less than the men at wimledon!??? unbefuckinlievable.

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hello lovelies,

there's a GreatAssOff which we Brits would spell GreatArseOff happening. it originated at sexylovepits, as she was dissapointed when noone commented on first, her heavily armed yet beautiful bottom and then her monkied front... she's got a few supporters now though!

anyway in solidarity with showing totally unnekkid buttocks, others bloggers have bared. i like the idea. ("She Would" the masses groan...)
incidentaly as most of you probably know, i have already also shown my monkey pants in a post below!

but for now here are all our fully clothed bottoms.....





my bottom made the paper last year! ye i know i know you're dying to reply to that....no seriously rude comments please!

now we've shown you ours, check out the rest at:
grunt
markis
sexylovepits
jessica's three INch crack
neal's front bottom (honorable mention)
rob's front bottom (dis-honorable mention)

and add yourself to the list* go on i just know you're dying to.

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Labels: the wonderlets

its been rather a busy weekend all in all what with posting, partying and playing doctors and nurses.

and i'm feeling completely uninspired, but a little concerned about the image i am projecting of myself as a 'gardener'.

not that there's anything at all wrong with being a gardener of course. rugged, sensitive and according to some rather raunchy literature quite sexy. however, its not really me. - though i do now have some gorgeous stripy gardening gloves that i invested in hoping they might help my psychological battle with the nasties of the earth. my problem with worms is that they do some kind of hysterical wiggle thing when you frighten them. i don't mean to frighten them, but i have occasionally accidentaly tipped one or two onto the floor and their writhing and flipping is Seriously Disturbing. they are even worse when deccapitated with a trowel.

anyway, it made me think i ought to post something new. and as i lack inspiration i'm just going to tell everybody to buy this book. steve almond's My Life in Heavy Metal. i quote:

‘A man in a bar makes a pass at a woman. It’s not a good era for passes, but he’s giving it his all; his eyebrows have been laying groundwork for hours'

i have an uncorrected proof that a friend who reviewed it gave to me last year. its lovely and rough - no glossy pic on the front just a rough paper cover and the title, and the edges are curled and discoloured from being with me everywhere i went for the last month.

now i'm a devourer of books. i finish them in about 3 days usually. the beefier the better. and i dont really do short stories despite their cleverness because i want to be completely absorbed. but this, well this...

i'm nursing it like i do the last pint of stout before i get on a plane back to stout dry turkey. i've been on the last story for over a week. i don't want it to end. and when it does i may well go back to the beginning and start all over again. its fantastic.
its a book that tells the stories of many different men battling with all that surrounds 'contemporary intimacy'. this amazing young writer paints each picture with incredible tenderness and humour that made me laugh out loud often in quite embarrasing situations.
get it or be sad.

and now i'm going to quote the lets: ' i wish i could be shoes. purple shoes. with flowers on it. stuck together.' yashi today at 15.00hrs


'well i wish i could be a leaf falling down to the water and a dolphin could play with me' loveday 3 seconds later.

awwwww. how adorable! almost sickeningly so.

i could digress and tell you what i'd like to be but it would be rude and this is a family site. the loss of innocence is not pretty.
which reminds me of another quote from yashi, earlier today at 13.45ish.. she had done painting which during its early stages resembled a bike. when i asked if it was one she replied:

'No mummy. its an oover. the oover is riding itself. well its supposed to gots peoples on it. but its forgot to stop so its riding itself.'

now thats a comment on modern intimacy if ever i heard one!

night all*

oooh btw, loveday as you can see has unfortunately inherited from her mama the peculiar happenings about the mouth when asked to pose. poor babish we may need to work on that....

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

as the post below was depressing though neccessary, i thought i should brighten us all up, with a bit of spring.

i am writing this to a soundtrack of Burl Ives which i loved listening to as a child at my gran and papa's house. the air in their garden was always thick with the scent of cedars and pine. and 'the man on the flying trapeze' might well be one of the finest songs of all time. my mum-the lets gran and her brother- the lovely uncle derek sent us a cd made from the original old album for the lets birthdays. its full of quiet little pops and cracks and its just gorgeous! if you want to smile, try to find it and play it now. hysterical. "the bounder he found her"

anyway as i was saying...

i wish i'd got the camera out sooner as many of the lovely plants on the terrace have blommed and gone. our lovely spikey japanese blossom (who's name i can't remember) flowered twice- once just before the last snow! and i being a total twit forgot to snap it while i could. its quite lethal and has burst many ballons and even last year one wasp! i assume a let was flapping it away and it got impaled! i'm now watching the beautiful japanese anemone whose tubors i swiped from my mums at christmas and carried about for 4 days before planting grow. its incredible. and the flowers will be stunning.

our wisteria is doing great. more so considering it's in a pot.
the scent is amazing and the springlets pull off the blossoms and suck the nectar.

it reminds me of being a child in cornwall. we would go on long walks picking wild primroses and violets. we'd bring them home and dip them in egg white and caster suger before putting them in the airing cupboard to crystalize. delicious. i also remember one year at the yearly school fete, my mum decorated a cake entirely with these crystalized primroses. it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen! and i was mortified when she didn't win a competition and some swirly blue icinged monstrosity got the prize. she being a hippy didnt care and said she just hoped someone would enjoy eating it. i wanted to buy it back and take it home as the fugly locals couldn't appreciate 'cake art'!! i was member of the style police even then.... i cringe at myself sometimes. but i do so wish i could find primroses and violets today so we could do the same with the lets. the delicate taste and the images of fairy feasts was magical.

i'm not really a gardener by any stretch of my imagination. though it appeals to me immensly somehow, i am terrified of bugs- including worms.

i know they are harmless (most of them at least, though we do have quite a few nastys here including scorpions and some rather nasty centipedes which hurt a LOT and are capable of making me fly with just a look). i know worms are helpful so i want them in the pots but if i come across one i generally have to leave the vicinity and have a bath. pathetic. and so quite a miracle that my plants ever survive. and in fact thrive.
its also rather complicated having an indiscriminate bug phobia and kids. as i am determined to NOT pass on my silliness to my offspring i have to feign wonder and awe at things yucky. so i have to pick up ladybirds (the least of my worries) and encourage grasshoppers and not barbarically sqiush centipedes. its very hard work. the grasshopper pics btw are from last summer but i think they illustrate the point sufficianytly to merit being here!



despite intermittent attention and the bug wars, my 'garden' blooms, miraculously with very little help from me each year.

i water, dead head, and attack with scissors (not even proper secaturs or whatever their fancy pants name is! they're always too expensive for my meager interest)in the autumn. i sprinkle seeds and shove cuttings in pots straight from being hacked off the original. and it just seems to work. most of the time at least. they know i appreciate it. the plants that is, as whenever i water them and clear up the debris i announce my pleasure and suprise. "bugger me its alive!" "bloomin eck you're gorgeous' and the like. plants definately like to be spoken too.

the springlets are deperate for the strawberries to grow.

we had lots last year. and they are blooming now but could really do with some more legroom really.

this whole season fills me with joy. though the occasional time warps back to winter depress us all, the feeling of hope is always present. its kind of like david essex on top of the pops singing 'hold me close dont let me go'.... bear with me here if you don't remember it... flowery, bright and ridiculously cheerful with stuff growing out of every available space! he was a hairy bugger.

anyway i digress. spring is fun. we can wear shoes without socks. we don't usually need a coat and loads of layers. we can go for walks and play outside. we pick up blossoms from the street and after 5 minutes the lets sneek them into my bag and i find mangled organic debris at the bottom, wrapped around my keys 3 days later. we sometimes spy the dolphins leaping down the bosphorous, and the morning mist hanging over the banks of asia. shoals of liitle boats with bright sails weaving across the water.

springs fab.
now we're off to the shops to buy some strawberries.

here's more of that butterfly porn from the soulclipse festival. even the wildlife loves spring. it really is the season for getting it on. full of energy and colour and life blooming afresh for all of us. and after a very long winter its very welcome. no more tights and socks, just the occasional legwarmer and clogs hooray!!! oops better go get a pedicure.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

well screw me silently.

why dontcha?

sorry i had to nudge me pins down a peg, but this is rather important. and not for the kids in africa or anything, but for YOU and definately for me.

if you want to keep seeing this kinda stuff, your help is required now to save the internet. alas i am not kidding. (thanks to markis for bringing this to my attention*)

"Congress is about to sell out the Internet by letting big phone and
cable companies ( AT&T, Verizon and Comcast) set up toll booths along the information superhighway.

A bill moving quickly through Congress would let these companies become
Internet gatekeepers, deciding which Web sites go fast or slow -- and
which won't load at all -- based on who pays them more. The rest of us
will be detoured to the "slow lane," clicking furiously and waiting for
our favorite sites to download."

these fuckwitts are trying to sneek this through before (they hope) anyone notices.

this would ruin our friendship at least. even if i could afford to pay (which i can't) for my site to be a priority, loading blogger would be EVEN slower, our photos, movies and musical mondays would be dependent of whether the host companies were in favour moneywise.

this is such a beautiful thing we've got going here my lovelies. i would hate for anything like this to come between us.



so heres what you can do...visit save the internet and sign their petition and then move on and sign theirs!

alas i cant find anywhere that allows me as a non us citizen to sign. so if anyone comes across a worldwide petition please let me know. alternatively maybe you lovely americans reading could email me some adresses we aliens can use to fill in the forms.... but lets keep that under our hats huh?!

bugger it, blogfriends. yet again some rich tossers in the states do stuff for money that will mean their own people and the rest of the world gets stuffed. sort of like ye olde tossers from the empire did years ago.

anyway the bottom line is if we don't stop this then my bottom and the rest of my 'lines', and indeed line (the lovelylets) will disapear from your desktops forever. and come on, we cant have that now can we?

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Labels: rantlets

well bugger me backwards. finally!

i got back slightly squiffy from dinner at a friends planning to quickly post me HNT, and due to an 'outage' i've been sitting here for 45 minutes, being a nerd and discovering that people looking innocently for "girls having sex with gorillas" have stumbled across this 'ere blog. poor buggers must be very disappointed. i'll work on that for next week.

for now i'm afraid all you get is this:

it's not exactly inspired. its of me in la about 7 years ago on a shoot. but it is posted to counteract my bad body image brought on by last weeks number. and it will serve to inspire me to work on the pins.

i did just that yesterday accidentaly as there was an arsenal match on eurosport at the gym which required me to spend 90 minutes on a bike. the match wasn't really worth it to be honest sadly but my legs are grateful. honestly if they could put a sexy match on each day i'd be back to me old self in no time!

too tired to write more now m'darlings.

but have a great HNT and if you get a chance listen to some elvis costello. olivers army is still a fabulous song and deserves revisiting occasionally. (as do shipbuilding, how much i lied and i want you among others)

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Labels: hnt, rantlets

hello lovelies and lurkers,

today the lets are hijacking the blog.


yesterday, after hunting chocolate eggs, (during which i failed to snap a single picture) and after dressing up as dogs....

(my face paintings skills need work i know!)












...they put on dresses and whilst i was busy cooking din dins tried to escape. i'm not sure why. but its probably got something to do with wanting to go and live at my friends house who provided the egg shitting rabbit (her terminology not mine- she's german!), the garden, cinema room and ball pool.







so in a desperate bid to get them to stay with me i bribed them with free reign over the camera, half an hour of telly before bed and the promise to make a story book with them over the next couple of days. so far its working. these fabulous pictures are the result...



they slept soundly last night until loveday came in to wake me up at 7.30 in the morning. she said she'd had a bad dream and snuggled into bed with me. we had a cuddle and then she told me this story (halfway through i asked her to run and get pen and paper - which she did, the little angel- so i'm recording it here almost word for word as she told it):

"DA HOWBLE DREAM."
"i had a scary dream. and there was a big monster chicken. and everybody was climbing and then it ate yashi. and then we were trying to find it. everyone was coming to help us.
and everyone was together trying to get yashi. and then it made fire inside the mountain. because it was a monster chicken dragon monster.

and then i tangled its foots with the string from my bedroom door (3 metres of black elastic that they tie everything up with!) and it felled over and then i said "AH UH!". i waved my finger in his face and i shook it and said "AH UH!". then i put the elastic again and i pulled yashi out by her foot.

and then she was in the water and then yashi's car was in the water. then i tried to get yashi out of the water and i put her in the road and the cars all stopped so they wouldn't bang and hurt her.
then i gotsted her car and dried the wheels so she could get away."


can i just say........HOW BRAVE IS SHE?!


i mean i don't know about you but even in my dreams i'm a bit of a wuss. sure they are my kids and the mother instinct would definitely make me waste any chicken dragon monster that was foolish enough to come within a 100yards of the hoglets, but still i'm quite large, and have a very SHARP VOICE that i keep in reserve that works wonders and has been a tried and tested weapon against all kinds of monstrousness. but the lovedove is wee.

(though now i think about it she may have inherited the Sharp Voice...)

anyway, i was very impressed that she took the prehistoric hen out with a bit of elastic round the ankles. and then that she waggled her finger at it. she even managed to hold her tongue. she didn't shout at it or called it a fat bottomed plonker or anything.

brave and calm.

and thorough, she even dried the wheels of yashi's car.

yashi awoke minutes later and told us that she had been dreaming of "lots of rainbows and lots of flying ponies and angels".

she'd slept in blissful ignorance of the peril of psychotic poultry. but she gave loveday her chocolate to say thank you anyway. what a darling!*

we are all now very relieved that the fowl has been vanquished. and of course that yashosh is safe and sound.

we have done extensive 'art therapy' today to rid us of any residual night terrors and are ready for whatever dreams our psyche's may throw at us tonight. after all loveday the wonderlet is armed and dangerous and on our side.

MY HEROINE*

btw. the story is now copyright of loveday and the movie rights will cost ya!

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Labels: the wonderlets

hello my lovelies.
i hope you are all having a good good friday.

(edit: 10.50pm: sorry guys i just found this. i didn't read the papers today, and so i only just found out about german kurdish turk Hatun Surucu, 23, who was shot dead by her brothers in an "honour killing" in berlin. she had a young son by her turkish cousin who she was forced to marry aged 16.

i feel sick. i'm sorry for passing this awful news on to you all, but being in turkey, and being a woman with young children, it just made me so fucking angry. and as this blog is mine. and my release, i shall spew forth my UTTER DISGUST with such pathetic, imbecilic dick brained bigoted wankers. and will i pray that there is a special hell just for them, where all they will be able to do for all eternity is to sit, and stare into the face of the child who's mother they took away.
they make me sick. they are revolting cowardly scum. sick.
thanks to leilouta for brining this to my attention. edit over. normal reading is resumed

oops i spoke too soon....An RAF doctor who refused to go to Iraq on the grounds that the war was illegal was jailed for eight months yesterday in what the judge described as a message to the armed forces about the consequences of rejecting "the policy of Her Majesty's government". this good friday unfortunately seems to be going with tradition... death of reason. shit just keeps on getting worse. lets hope sense gets up and walks by monday...)

as the turks don't celebrate easter i am lucky to be free from creme egg and hot cross bun molestation. my thighs are grateful as they have been working ever so hard at the gym and by the river. but as i plan to dye some eggs a little later with the lets i can see some egg and mayonnaise in my future... yum* thank goodness i've been to the gym 4 days in a row for at least 2 hours a go! luckily i do enjoy working out. i like the big open space in my gym, and the music and the excuse to watch fashion and music tv (i never do that at home!), and the fact you can look sweaty and ugly and its OK, and i love the sauna and steam and freezing water relay afterwards. heavenly.

today whilst walking uphill on the spot and sweating profusely i spied a unicef ad on mtv full of beautiful famous people. i couldn't hear it as i was listening to music but it looked good....

anyway all that means is that by being active earlier, i've earned some blogging time. and as soon as i opened my mails i realised i was inundated with charity circulars telling me urgent action was needed to help aids sufferers and urge our governments to live up to their promises of aid. so i'm going to pass some of them on to you... first as a sweetener here's all the pretties......


now sadly beckam and ferdinand both have seriously dodgy voices but hey they mean well. and roger moore... wrinkly true, but how good does he SOUND?

"Every day around 1,800 children are newly infected with HIV/AIDS, yet most treatments are not suitable for children.
Drugs which are suitable for children with HIV/AIDS are much more expensive and less developed than those for adults. With few financial incentives for companies to develop cheap and effective child HIV/AIDS drugs, millions of children will continue to miss out on life-saving treatment."

so, unicef will ask you to send a letter or email to your mp to urge research into drugs for children and for the g8 summits promises to actually be fulfilled. unicef don't work only with aids, they work for the worlds poor in many areas.

you can also visit actionaid who work on the same thang basically, but i still like em...

"In 2005, one of the G8's most significant commitments was to promise AIDS treatment for all who need it by 2010. If this target has any hope of becoming reality, it needs immediate and significant financing.
But world leaders are failing to stump up the cash, and as a result are threatening to scupper the groundbreaking treatment target less than one year after they agreed to it."

oh the old childhood favourites never go out of fashion- all together now for our erstwhile leaders "Liar liar your pants are on fire!"

so finally here is oxfam on the same subject,

"In the next three months at a series of crucial meetings, Tony Blair and other world leaders will decide whether they keep the promises they made last year. Or break them. And right now the signs are not looking good.
It’s vital that you act on this email. When millions of people speak loudly enough, politicians have to act. But we can’t get that message through unless you do your bit."

now your granny gets her christmas cards from oxfam to show her support. mine even worked there years ago...and some of my favourite and longest enduring clothes came from their shops, so you've GOT to do what they tell you!

now on a slight tangent, i read a fantastic book last summer

it a beautiful novel about family, traditional farming, seeds, biotech and crusty ecology clashes. i wont try to review it further... i wouldn't do it justice. you can find reviews and order it here. it was funny, touching and very thought provoking however and it somehow seemed energizeise me. possibly because it made me want to start gardening and eat better!

anyway the reason i mention this now is because of this:

"Hasta la Vista Terminator'…

War on Want is pleased to report success for our international partners in the battle against Terminator Seeds – seeds sold and controlled by big business, which automatically die after one harvest so as to prevent farmers from re-using their seeds as they have done for many years."

i'm quite a fan of war on want actually. it makes sense to be really coz they're well 'ard. and slightly bonkers. but cool.
they also do a great line in "alternative gifts". these trulyruely are fabulous.... instead of actually buying silly gifts for people who have everything or who you don't really know or even maybe like enough, you can give them personalized gift pack containing a photograph and full details of your gift." which you have in fact given to someone really poor in a really poor country, who actually needs it! genius.

i know what you're all getting for christmas!

that's it for now folks. i'm off to get a couple of carrot sticks to nibble*

oof, who am i kidding, i could murder a cadburys buttons egg now. why aren't war on want concerned about my want....its discrimination. i'm a "minority group lapsed christian" and my right to get fat on vast amounts of chocolate eggs, basic human rights are being violated. and there's noone i can even write to about it! could a couple of you send a quick email to the turkish consulate to complain while you're at it please? thanks.

happy easter darlings*

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Labels: istanbulundercover, rantlets

what the f**k happened to my legs?
(yeah, sure they look fine to you, but hell, they are mine and they didnt used to be like that! check out my old hnt's if you don't believe me!)

i know....

cheese.
35 years of...... well, prancing about frankly.
2 weeks without the gym (honestly- only 2 weeks to go from slightly dimply yet toned, to cottage cheese on thick saggy knees!!)
bad lighting?
dodgy camera.
dodgy film.
biscuits.
booze.
blogging (it keeps me from the gym and makes me sit down and cross my legs).
societies ridiculous ideas of beauty.
the ridiculous standards i set for myself.
my failure to even meet them.
my inner turmoil over whether or not i really give a monkeys.
laziness. (in many areas, not least that i couldn't even be assed to photoshop it!)
chocolate.
apparently orange juice depending on who you read.
the odd glass of coke.

i could make myself look fabulous again by starving myself and exercising MUCH more- 'spinning' etc, which would mean PAIN, less time for my kids and no fun. and scarily i might even end up looking like the lovely nicole kidman- she is lovely but as you get older, super skinny gets scrawney- sorry i don't mean to bitch but.... whatever. its just not going to happen.

the way i see it, in the end there are 2 ways to look at this.

so either i get seriously depressed at the prospect of having noone fancy me ever again and hide myself under baggy long style mistakes and have sex only in the dark,

or i decide to delude myself into a fabulous new theory...

ehhem- when people are young they almost always fancy people older than themselves. we don't notice the physical defects of the reasonably healthy older person- we just see 'wisdom' and 'cool' (example- i fancied john malcovitch, phil lynot and david attenborough).

as we age we begin to notice those defects more and so switch to younger people. (example- justin timberlake, robbie williams and blue. DO NOT JUDGE ME)

so even though i still actually fancy david attenborough, i am tending to lust after younger and younger blokes recently.

this is survival instinct working at its keenest. we knew blokes did this, but i'm new to the girl thing but its getting more and more popular apparently (example justin and cameron- the lovelies)

i needs to nab me a BOY. and quick before the lard spreads. i'm not quite sure exactly how to go about this but my plan so far is to go to the gym a bit more and do more work on me pins. and to NOT get depressed. i think that might well be the masterstroke... i mean if i can just accept that i'm not me at 26 anymore, or even me at 30, then i might just be ok.
and as long as i can make sure i keep being me just with a slightly wider aura i think i'll be ok.

i look happy in this picture. i look healthy. i was hot. id cooled off by stripping to my pants and sticking my head under a tap at the filthy drinking water troughs. there was nowhere to put my sunglasses but in my knickers.
it works.

now if i can just get a bloke in his 20's to see me prancing about badly in my underfrillies to some Funky music on a tanned summer day i'll be laughin*

whaddaya mean its not real????

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Labels: hnt, istanbulundercover

hello beautiful people, finally a new post!

before i start i would just like to say thank you once again to everyone who left such lovely supportive comments on my last post.

it was the first time i actually put any real thought or time into my writing, and i'm so glad and flattered that you enjoyed it and even felt moved to comment as such. i am usually posting on the run whilst simultaneously cooking, massaging, glueing and face painting with the lets, working out, or wishing i was, shouting at the telly or the guardian online or reading you guys. So if i post a booboo i don't really care.

the last post though, i wrote over a couple of days, whenever i had 5 minutes, and i really enjoyed doing it. i shed a few tears while remembering and choosing the pictures. So i am so pleased you appreciated it!!

having said that i am now painfully aware that it will be a hard act to follow and so i've gone all pee shy as rob would so sweetly put it.

so i decided to get the follow up out of the way by not actually really posting at all and passing the buck to darling Ben.

Ben is a rather good 'friend' of my sister, and her muso in crime. Find them here, or at the the delaware music link in my sidebar, and play the songs while you read the rest of this post. THAT IS AN ORDER! Pretty please??? you will appreciate it.
anyway, he sometimes sends me interesting news stories (he brought me the fabulous quadrupeds last month.) so i'll let him do it today, as he says it all better than i could given the stuff going on around me right now and my piddle fear.... enjoy and prepare to be morally outraged!

"hey keda,

couple of things i thought i'd send your way.
Firstly, not particularly intellectual but interesting none the less (especially the officers reaction when he approached the vehicle in question)
he's armless mate

Secondly there was an interesting article in the Observer today but I can't find it online although it may appear soon.

Essentially it is about these new laws in the UK that outlaw people being discriminated against because of their religion or sexuality.
Well suprise suprise, guess who is managing to kick up a fuss about this seemingly benign law - yes that's right,the powerful lobby group that is 'Christian Bed & Breakfast owners.'


A Christian B&B Yesterday.


Here are some choice quotes from article;

"...Christians who run bed-and-breakfasts were deprived of their right to ban gays, unmarried couples and people of other faiths from staying under their roof."

"...the new rules will force them to 'betray God'...by allowing 'undesirables' to enjoy their hospitality"

"Christian B&B operators...don't want to be forced to accept Satanists, Muslims, gays and even unmarried couples as guests"

"One B&B owner in the north has told me that he would rather cease operating than have gays staying in his house"

What can you say?

a) When will these people learn?????? (answer:never)

b) Christian B&B operators obviously don't have the same business savvy as the Jews (joke)

c) What I think is ironic (in an Alanis Morisette stylee) is that if it wasn't for the hospitality of some kind bugger in Bethlehem Jesus' birth may have had some complications with Joseph and the donkey resorting to ad hoc midwifery on the road.
If today a young couple approached one of these Xian B&Bs where the couple were married yet the female, despite claims of being a virgin, was carrying the child of another man/monotheistic-deity then would they be told that there is 'no room at the inn'?

On that note I must leave and teach sound-engineering online - the wonders of the global classroom.

cheers,
Ben m"

lovely. what a load of pansy arsed, hypocritical pillocks, is about all that's sensible and clean enough for me to write in reply to that.
though Ben you do realize that if the inn keeper really was a 'bugger', then i doubt any good future Christians would have wanted them staying there anyway... Also, i have two lovely great maiden aunts, Olwen and Betty. both of whom are rather wrinkly and slightly 'confused' now. years ago one of them informed me in one of her signature fabulous nonsense letters that "i used to race around london performing midwifery on a bike" ....she could have been useful.

i did actually find a story online about this here, if anyone feels like annoying themselves further.

thats all for now folks. i will continue posting some of the more grubby soulclipse pics a few at a time.... hope you like. this one of the lets taking the rubbish out is just so disgusting i'm ashamed of myself.... sorta. naa not really we kids love dirt. i've got a close up of the butterfly porn still in the wings and a really scary one of me in my knickers and wellies which i'll save for HNT....

some other snappers have posted pictures from the festival if anyones interested*here at flicker

kisses to all my friends both pretend and real*

at the top are pelin and i. below are the dirtlets. followed by your truely and lets, the whole gang- ayla, pelin, attila, cem and the lets, followed by the star of the show. yashi is on the left in each picture.

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Labels: rantlets

4 years ago this morning, at a little after 2am the lets burst forth from this mamahog. ending 9 months of sausage roll and cream cake abuse that resulted in boobs that floated in the bath (a major novelty for me!), hair that grew at the thickness and speed of light and could not be seen by its owner, let alone reached for a trim, cellulite on my knees, record breaking burps and poo retention that beats even a camping trip! it was a challenge, but it was fun, i had really missed sausage rolls whilst in turkland so those, my family and the mega cheap swimming pool down the road were very welcome, as were the footballing pod 'n bod in my tum.

it was scary. i had left my husband as he kept changing his mind every couple of weeks whether he wanted any of us, and when i began to bleed after only 10 weeks i ran home to mummy to avoid the stress. my sister came with me for my first scan to check that i hadn't lost the baby.
the evil scan guy said "did you know about this", with a worried expression. i feared the worst, said "what?" and squeezed rose's hand. then he very calmly said "well here i can see one healthy heartbeat,

and here is another one."

we shreaked. i said "oh fuck." and started to cry whilst simutaniously nervously/hysterically laughing and trying to suppress a fart. i wanted heavy drugs of the sedative variety, a cigarette and excess alcohol.

i then grew. and grew. scary shit being miles from my home of 6 years, estranged and battling with the end of my marriage and carrying twins. but i loved almost every minute of it- until my hip and wrist gave out and i needed a walking stick whenever i was stupid enough to get out of the swimming pool. oh that and when i discovered the cellulite on my knees.

i did an aromatherapy course and an indian head massage course. i swam, i obsessively rubbed home made potions onto my tummy and fat pins and miraculously defended myself against any stretchmarks. (we have them genetically and i got a few just by growing aged 13!)

i got some practice playing with and adoring my gorgeous sisters beautiful boy eric and new born eleynie (she was born only 6 months before the lets!). i still love being an aunty.

then finally at 40 weeks i was induced. i didnt want to be... but i was becoming ill, blood poisoning from a small cut on my finger was spreading down my arm as i was weak and couldn't fight infections anymore. also i was so big i hardly fitted through doors and people would swear at me in the street ("good god!" "holy cow!" etc etc)!



i'll try not to bore you with the labour, but that despite our ongoing battles, the lets baba was there throughout, having discovered that love for lets creeps in. i had a lovely room with huge floor to ceiling windows and bunnies (rabbits) outside in the garden. all on the national health service. kruder and dorfmeister and bedrock on the stereo and me bouncing on a swiss ball puffing, panting and swearing/laughing every 4 minutes for 8 hrs until a VERY hunky surfer/anaesthetist stuck a huge needle in my back, while i sucked gas 'n air and thought i was a astronaut, and then another 8 hours of boredom and experiments with letting the drugs run out until everyone insisted we do the nasty and i was wheeled to a room full of people i didnt know who cut me open and pulled the buggers out.

and then it got really noisy.

they were SO sweet, despite being squished and frankly, pretty ugly, and the incredible gut wrenching love that made me sob at first sight and panic at every silence was phenominal. but i hadnt slept for 3 days (since they had started trying to induce me and failed until a drip 16 hours ago...). i was in shock as i had categorically refused to even entertain the idea of cesaerean section and so had no real idea what it involved... stoooopid. so minutes after the drugs first wore off and we had all been returned to my room the pain of my wounds and the noise of 2 non stop screaming babies was TOO much and this earthy mama who had planned a natural birth with oils and delivery straight to my breast etc etc, screamed "GIVE ME SOME MORPHINE AND GET HER OUT OF HERE!!!"

the first sign of evil hog.

i got the morphine, they took them away but i could still hear the loudlets and i spent half an hour or so feeling guilty through the drug haze. i slept a total of 1 and a half hours over the next 5 days. until i threw the evil la leche league mothering-multiples-feed-on-demand-book across the room at nasty troll nurse and demanded to go home. and suddenly it all just came together.







the breast feeding, the nappies, the strength.



i won't say it was easy... breastfeeding 2 is interesting. i had to surround myself with pillows and pick them up one handed by their babygrows (sleep suits), and the sound of twin meltdown is terriffying. but i kept it up till they were 2 so it cant have been that difficult, and i loved the closeness it gave us.

even during those first ridiculous days the feeling of the lets beside/on/near me was the most comfortable and comforting feeling i ever remember feeling. i felt then as i do today and every day, that my body cannot even contain this love. that it will pour out of me forever.

this is still one of the hardest things for me... to contain it. to not worry to excess about the terror i now have of something happening to me, which would leave them alone/ motherless, or to them which would cause them any kind of pain, or just to smother them and mollycoddle them too much with love.

apparently 'they fuck you up, your mum and dad'. scary words when you're a parent finally and want so much for that to be untrue...

i love them. so i will let them know everyday. but i will try really hard to let them go with confidence when they are ready. and i know that their father feels something similar.









but until then i will let love spill from my every pore, from my eyes and my mouth and my hands and my ears. and i will shout my thanks to my God my Yhvh my Allah my Light and my Universal Energy.

and from the tips of my enlarged feet, dimply knees, stretched nipples and laughter lined eyes i will pray to be one of the many to prove larkin wrong.

and i will enjoy every single day that i am given with them. i will appreciate every little sound, step, look and touch. and i will thank them every day for the incredible joy they have given me in all my life.

thank you darling girls, you are absoolutely beeeautiful and lovally too.

no i am Not a fat bottomed poopoo head! no you are. no you, no youoyouyou infinity!*



loveday.......................................................................yashi

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Labels: hnt, istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, the wonderlets

hello honeys. we return, crusty, smelly, happy and healthy.... and proud that we are the shit!
we put up tents, we danced, we cooked sausage and beans, we collected firewood and built fires - with a little help from our lovely japanese neighbours, we braved rain and mud, we (i) dunked myself in the icy river, we got feathers woven into our hair by stunning jewesses, we saw the total eclipse and hugged. most of us pooed- though not yours truely. and we stripped to our underfrillies and frollicked in the sun, all to a pumping soundtrack. job well done. i might have to abandon heels and the telly altogether and join the 'roots'. muds fun.

we are all now addicted and already making plans for the next trance festival in hungary at summers end, and to japan for the eclipse in 2009*
i'll expand and fill in the myriad fabulous details of our favouite holiday later... you know it was good because even bodily functions or lack of failed to put a downer!

for now i'll give you these tasters of us sans filth (my digitals battery failed after only 2 days so i had to borrow a friends old snapper and have yet to develop the grubby films...). i will now go catch up on some of your blogs, between putting filthy sleeping bags and socks in the washer and trying to convince the lets that mud is not a prefered city look. and that their beautiful hair shouldn't really be stuck together like the 'roots' dreads we've been making friends with over the last few days!

enjoy the butterfly porn.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets