mamahog 'n the lets

so i'll be brief...






weather not too bad at all.



if it ever does decide to be brave and get visual there'll be some pics from last year that i found in my mums documents below.


byeeeeee


kiss kiss.







ooh it went 'n did it! dear old codger. i'll pat it and stop swearing at it (quite so much) as my new years resolution.
maybe.

hey ho.. my feet are frozen. off to bed with hot water bottle. both things that i only seem to get at my mums ;)

yep, and a happy new year too babes.

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Labels: the wonderlets

i've been told 3 times in the last few weeks that i am a hippie.

apparently my wearing plaits in my hair, my sheepskin waistcoat and favourite grotty old fake fur lined boots make this obvious. as do these...








in my defense i'd like to argue that they choose what to wear to school. not me. (unless they are wearing some flimsey cotten frock and no knickers whilst there's snow on the ground.. i put my comfy fur encased foot down then)
...or is that the reason? that i allow them do go out dressed as loonies.

sure i think about the environment a fair amount and abhor war 'n guns 'n stuff. i went on rather a lot of marches as a spotty teenager, and shouted rude things at the boys in blue. i still sign petitions and am a member of way too many charitable organisations. i do still read my amnesty magazine religiously.

and we don't do too much junk food, except biscuits.

i also don't shave my armpits, and i blend homemade essential oil for my perfume.

i do yoga, and energy work in my holistic massage therapy sessions.

and we do prance about naked a rather a lot.

holy hallucinogenics man! we do appear to be turning into total hippies!

not that there's anything really wrong with hippies... hell they've got good values. they promote peace and most are pretty kind to the world, better than most, and relaxed. they gave me a few good years of childhood and some nice music. i do approve of them in general. much more than i do tories and republicans.

but i hate smoking dope!

and i can only tolerate a couple of reggae songs.. and for a very short time. usually until someone says 'jah man' and starts talking about moses. that REALLY pisses me off.

and dirt. those stupid rainbow fashions mixed with tie-dye.

and dirty hair.

and veganism, fruitarianism and even vegetarianism.. (though i did succumb to that myself for way too many years.. i'm well over it now though thank beef).

and i have over 70 pairs of shoes.. many of them scarily high and sexy and mostly made from leather.

but despite the imelda like shoe situation, i'm thinking that the main reason for people thinking i'm a hippie is our recent attire. i like the waistcoats and the funny princess froggy fashions on the hippielets, but i suspect that it doesn't translate so well when you are 5'6".

and i blame this entirely on the fact that i'm skint. i have no money to buy sexy fitted jackets, replace lost ballet cardigans and sport lacey suspenders and stockings, and i've nowhere to wear them anyway. all my threadbare clothes are at least 3 years old. many no longer fit, including my beloved prada shoes and evening dress that i grew out of whilst pregnant. sigh.

so as i'm not quite ready to go so far along the square route as asking for a razor, Aqua Di Gio and pajamas for Christmas, i will make it my mission in the new year to earn some cash so i can start dressing like a vixen again rather than a crusty.

i took the school job.

and i asked for and got a decent wage for it. so i'm on my way. fuckmefashions here i come. (and new lino in the bathroom)

we are off to blighty tomorrow to spend almost a month over christmas and the new year. i'll start with the sales there :)

and if i ever start waxing lyrical about the benefits of hemp, or go without dead animal flesh for more than 3 days please shoot me. it's the kindest thing to do.

in the meantime i'll be counting my proverbial free-range chickens before they've hatched and enjoy both giving and receiving this christmas, as well as hunting for some new completely unsensible high heeled shoes and matching handbag so as to stop the grunge spread in its tracks!

vegetarianism's for wimps!

hurray for hot deep baths!

scuzzy white kids wearing rainbow shirts chanting 'Jah Rastafari' and repetatively nodding their skunk addled heads to christian rock music with a mellower dub beat is a load of cunting bollocks!

sorry... i know that's a bit rude but it is! you see? hippie?.... my waxed arse i am! i'm just hippiesque without being stinky. honest guv'ner.

phew i feel better now.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, the wonderlets

my focus changes. direction unclear
as i flit left and right in search of a path.
forward sideways up or down.
anywhere but behind me.
unless it's dark
when i find i'm afraid to flush the loo and walk back to the wall along corridors with eyes wide open.

new directions fly at me from every angle
making me smile.


each one shows promise.
each has merit.

yet put them all together and my limbs grow heavy.
muscles atrophy, eyelids sink, my body becomes a mush
and le sigh descends.
teensy weensy irritations stretch into yawns and slumber is my only desire.

and i go to sleep, sleep, and imagine that you're here with me.

i'm only a part time narcoleptic.
when dealing with doctors appointments, christmas shopping, airports and flight schedules, decisions.

so much to do, so all i want to do is doze.
say no. and lose hours and days, as i move in slo-motion and time wizzes by at the speed of a morning when you need to leave the house by eight sharp.

after the tension mounts, have to, need to, must, flicker and become holographic didn't i's should i have's and must i?
never mind. later.


i slip away, it's no use to fight.
my legs won't support me and my neck droops.

it's pleasant here in sleepwalkland. i'm surrounded by cool greens, soft moss underfoot and natural opiates support my skin.

let me dream and drift this way a while. let the waves of 'not now' wash over me and relax my soul.


before the moment passes and time slows again as the blood courses along my veins forcing me to wake.
and i snap out of it.



and say 'yes' again.


as always.... happy hnt....sidebar for more....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Labels: hnt

well i'm feeling a lot better babes. thanks for all the well wishes.

and thanks eversoeversomuch to the heavens for whoever invented oxycontin. very very nicey nicey.

i still don't have anything very interesting to say, but couldn't stand seeing my last post for another day.. so you get more rambling rubbish. apologs.

i'm busy lazily tidying, trying to recover fully and write some pieces for next months magazine as the deadline's wednesday. in between camp building, trying to make pistachio marzipan for christmas pressies and cleaning glue off the carpet as always.

so i'll just offer you this. it's one of my first 2 published articles. i have another piece in this months edition about a band called brazzaville who i met the other week too but that one's not on the website. this one's just a review of an exhibition, but i'm still really enjoying the new direction i'm being dragged along. though i think my name looks silly in print. hopefully i'll get over that. it's also a great excuse to get off my arse and go try new things... and the eagerlets cannot believe their luck!

i have 4 more to get written by the end of this week... so i'd better get moving. though i feel a bit sick. that's what happens when you get too excited over the marzipan sampling.
oh well, it's all in a good cause.

so that's enough crap about me for now... here are the davincilets at the museum. my wish list this christmas is topped by a tripod obviously.







happy new week darlings.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

the big hog is experiencing her first migraine in 20 odd years.

it aint pretty.

but it's not as bad thankfully as the ones she knows her mum and friends suffer.

i'm talking in the third person because i'm not quite sure where i am right now or who.

but the bloody lions keep appearing which can't be great.

so i'm typing in sunglasses.

i have to go out in the sun soon as a hog's work is never done. and anyway when i lie down it hurts more and weird stuff keeps flying at me so armed with these dark glasses and a peaked cap i will venture forth.

for now you could help a bit by going here and lighting a candle for some people who could do with some light.

and bloody blugger has chosen today to offer me beta which for some reason makes me feel even more anxious. should i shouldn't i, will i won't i, is it isn't it?

my mind is awash with eeeeeek.

sorry. i needs to focus.

and stop rambling.

i feel a bit sick.

toast.


and embrace the power of positive thinking. OHmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

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twisting soft pink limbs

the hog and lets get bendy

tied up to unwind


close my eyes and pray
i breathe deeply golden light
still full of hot air.

stretch on over to the sidebar for more half nakedness.
and remember, shoulders back, deep breaths and relax.

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Labels: hnt, the wonderlets

today i am acutely aware of mortality.

one of my closest friend's husband had a kind of heart attack on saturday night. i can't remember the name for it now, but he was operated on immediately and has been recovering these past few days in intensive care. he will now have to completely change his lifestyle and work if he is to survive. he needs the prayer grunts today please.
he's 37. a young football playing, go-getting bloke. lying around shocked and wearing a nightie with only his dreams of 3 sexy nurses and a flannel to make him feel like the man he truly is.

on the way back from the hospital today i narrowly escaped my own death, and causing the death of at least 2 others... being the person responsible for paying the bonkers devout muslim lad who was driving me along those particular roads.

a perplexing and sweet smiling young man with a full beard and crochet skullcap. listening to echoing and disturbingly hypnotic family-favourite islamic sermons on the radio. he was the first obviously religious man i have ever seen driving a taxi here. he was cheerful and friendly throughout. he'd never been to my neck of the woods before and got quite excited about the prospect of visiting the coast road. and told me in no uncertain terms that "we are all born to the same god, and only through our own lives find our different names or leaders. none of these is important. as the one god loves us all if we love him".

nice to know i guess.... as we flew swerving from left to right using the whole road, and ran through 2 red lights almost chopping off one woman's foot, we slammed our right mirror back against other stationary vehicles twice and i began to understand why as i had first entered the taxi, he had called 2 separate friends and informed them that he would be "taking a customer to bebek inşallah, then inşallah i'll come back home, inşallah"
certainly without gods will, i, would be roadtoast.

although usually in such a situation, i would yell at them to 'slow down' or 'open (their) bloody eyes!', this poor guy really was doing his best. he just didn't have A FUCKING CLUE.
bless him. (which i guess is being done already without words from me.)

he asked me for direction incessantly. at every slight bend in the road he would slow jerkilly and ask if i wanted to continue on this path to the left or right. even when there was no other choice. the cars behind got pretty cross. one man who we cut off pointlessly whilst at a virtual standstill, actually got out of his car and came yelling towards us, but chauffeur abdullah or whatever his name was didn't even notice and drove off just as the irate man reached his window. that actually was quite funny.

everytime he slowed to ask my advice on which way to turn the steering wheel the cars behind would beep and try to overtake, but he wasn't having any of that either dear of him.. he'd mutter apologies vaguely and speed up swerving of course towards them rather than away.

i really have no idea why i didn't just bail out early. as i have two young children who need me alive that would have been the responsible thing to do. but poor young abdullah looked so eager to find the mythical land of bebek. and also i think i just froze. i know i couldn't get the imbecilic grimace/grin off my face until a full 5 minutes after i got home.

he was also very happy and indeed even shocked when he dropped me off and i said he could keep the 30kurus (20cents/10p). he blessed me.

cute. and terrifying.

and after that fingerbiting trip, my guardian angel or god, or whoever was on gods stop-the-loony-who-loves-me-and-mother-of-two-from-dying-tragically watch tonight will be needing some valium or more trendy sedative. so i suggest you don't do anything requiring too much divine intervention.

as long as young abdullah's on the roads praying for allah to take care of him the rest of us had better beware.

and start eating rabbit food, keep the health insurance payments regular and start wearing full nerf body armour.

* 'ş' is pronounced 'sh' so it's 'in-shah-lah' just in case you want to try your luck anyway.

GOD/ALLAH/YHVH/GAIA IT'S GOOD TO BE ALIVE! :)

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Labels: istanbulundercover