mamahog 'n the lets

i'm in a foul mood.

there's no real reason for this foul mood. other than vast amounts of yellow snot and it being my monthly foul mood week.
and that right at this moment, my house is cold, my kids are out with their dad, and i miss my virtual macyummy. and i can't think of anything to write here. but can't stand looking at my feet for another day.
and i still miss smoking when i'm in a foul mood. which makes me miss smoking even more. putting me in an even worse mood.

dammit.

and i'm too stingy to turn on the heating when the lets aren't home. it sucks being a celt.

so what do you do when you are in a foul mood, avoiding doing stuff that needs doing, are not allowed to smoke, are in love with someone who's thousands of miles away and sleeping, and you are bloody freezing cold?
(and your favourite vibrator is still broken...)

well yeah i do that first a couple of times and then...

I drink way too much tea with milk, wear two pairs of legwarmers, and trawl through the brilliantly preserved evidence of how i fell in love and more importantly MADE SOMEONE ELSE FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, on gmail.

it's genius.

obviously i can't show you much of it. what with it being very personal and occasionally rude, and incriminating. and frankly, hideously embarrassing. but it is bloody funny.

and accidentally a brilliant way of making me feel a bit better. well keeping me busy without actually doing anything productive or smoking at least.

for one thing it shows me that you can have even worse days that are almost the COMPLETE polar opposite of this crap day.

for example:


"keda richens
to Rob show details
19/06/06
yashi just stepped on a barely opened carton of chocolate milk squirting it a metre and a half all over the carpet and onto the sofa (all white).

the good news? we have no water at present. it gurgled away about an hour ago.

the better news?? but of course not before my washing machine decided to flood the floor from underneath this morning. they wont send someone till tomorow so my bathroom floor is covered in sopping wet towels, under and over the vinyl which is ruined. the rest of the towels are inside it.

i could ring them out i guess and use the water from them to attempt to clean the carpet and sofa. they would however be rather sudsy no doubt. though the best news of all is that i feel rather weak and fluey/unwell myself, and the effort that would involve is way beyond my powers right now.

so as far as housework's concerned chance would be a fine thing. but given the mood i'm now in, i am all for letting it go. let mother nature deal with it. i've had enough. ya hear me? ENUFF.

so we went out this afternoon to give back the deelibopper butterfly antenae which the school demanded back (on the phone whilst i was covring the bathroom with towels). (edit: they were part of their costume from their school show. ) it was a nice walk athough yashi and i were both feeling rather pathetic.

on the way home we stopped at the local organic fruit shop to buy some oranges and strawberries. i pay in bulk every few weeks and i've been avoiding this fruit shop for a while and going to the market whenever possible as the last bill, a few weeks ago, came to 500ytl (about $300). i asked to pay my debt again as i didn't want it it to mount up again, and the fuckwits presented me with a bill dating back to january! JANUARY!! for 580ytl. they havent been knocking off any of my bloody payments. so i've probably paid 2 or 3 times for it all. i now have to go back over all my credit card bills for the last 6 months to prove i've paid! cunts. don't they realise i'm busy, skint and HATE numbers?
hell.

and it's 32/89 degrees outside! and feels similar inside. i need air con. these fans do shit.

i need a real boyfriend who'll hug me and hand me a beer. and maybe even have a gander at the bathroom. but as i'm not lucky enough for that....

i'll THAnk the ether i have a gorgeous virtual one who i can write it all out to in silence, who i know won't get annoyed by my annoyance, and who will send me kisses and love and comfort from afar. thank the ether for that. :)

good morning darling heart. thank you for being in my life. however far away.

here's hoping your day is pleasanter!
k*

xxx"


so that made me feel like at least this day isn't that one. and we are all clean. and stuff. and once i dreamed of cooler air. and stuff.

but then the virtual boyfriend is still virtually bloomin virtual. so i make another cup of tea, grab another chocolate brownie, take the nicorette gum out and start to sulk again

until i find this.. which i sent to my gaga sisterhood the morning after the massive booze and ice-cream meet-up where they got the lowdown about my insane "fly to a foreign country to meet up with potential axemurderingtoiletrollstacker man who i fell for over the stalkernet" trip.

"keda richens
to pelin, ayla, zeynep, Deniz, Sebnem, yesim
show details
06/10/06

rob just reminded me of an event during our trip which i really should not have forgotten!

on the 3rd morning we took a cab to a lovely greasy spoon, beth's cafe for breakfast. as we left the taxi the driver leant back and said something to rob. i leant in and he repeated himself for me.. (rob wrote it exactly as the cabbie said it... he had slightly dodgy english)

- Hide quoted text -
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Rob Macyummy
Date: 06-Oct-2006 13:26
Subject: Cabbie...
To: keda richens

"I've seen a lot of handsome couples...handsome men with beautiful women. And I see in the two of yours eyes: You're going to be together forever. I see a lot of good looking people together but they don't stay. You two will stay forever.""


and that kinda helps with that. you know... makes it all worthwhile 'n shit.

that is of course if you think that sweet little african cabbies have 'the eye' and stuff. which really i'm a bit 'meh' about in general.

but today i'ma grab hold of it and become a believer. and i'm gonna keep reading through more recent ones until i get to the raunch and can go lie down again... ;)

lazy saturday afternoons i got no time for worry.....

and ooh look at that! i wrote a post without even thinking. not a very good one but at least you can't see my feet anymore and i didn't have to do anything but talk to myself.

life is good.

ish.

oh bollocks. i'd kill for a fag.
is 9 cups of tea unreasonable before 4pm?

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Bright red soled black shoes,
I love these loubou’s
Though I may have to sacrifice a toe.
Time and hormones,
Have spread my footbones,
Causing old ‘gypsy’ feet to outflow.




But these crippled tootsies,
Can still play footsie,
Be it less under the table than above.
And though standing’s a pain,
And walking’s insane
They still fill my heart up with love.




The littlets covet,
And the loubou’s love it,
They tickle and touch them, it’s sweet
But if they think I’ll give them up,
They are dumb out of luck...




And they’ll just have to lick my fat feet!

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it's my underpantsaversary today.

1 whole year of sitting on my arse on this hideous(ly), uncomfortable chair, staring at the screen of a my macrap reading and writing a load of pants.

i didn't think i'd do anything to mark the occasion. i had no plans and i'm too busy to put much thought into it now. but after chatting to one of my 3d friends today on gmail, i suddenly realised how important this whole thing has been to my life this year. and i felt tears sting the back of my eyes.

apart from the obligatory angst ridden rubbish that i scrawled in some notebooks during my art school years, and a kind of journal for the hoglets that i wrote them during my pregnancy and their first year, i'd written nothing since school.
i had no idea that i even could, having never been any good at keeping diaries. but one year ago today, i was bored. and thought "what the hell?"

it was the time for me i guess. in hindsight i can see that i was probably bored a lot back then. and though i didn't really lknow it at the time, lonely. the lets had started school 3 mornings a week, and were seeing a bit more of their dad. most of my friends here had either recently left the country or were working daytimes, and going out in town in the evenings. i live far away from my family and other friends, i had very little massage work or money coming in and though i've always been 'creative' i had no real outlet, and my 'relationships' were purely convenient and unintrusive. i was actually quite happy in many things. life was calm for the first time in a long while. which was very welcome. but i needed to move on. to change something, and i had no idea what.

my friend pelin told me i should do it. honest guv. it wasn't my idea. i didn't even really know what a blog was. she sent me a few links and i started exploring.

and sHemale am i glad she did!

(fyi: i just accidentally typed 'biggle' instead of 'middle' during an IM chat. and now i can't stop giggling. and i'm not even drinking alcohol)

though my typing skills have not improved much AT All, and my arse hurts, and not in a good way, i can honestly say, that blogging, has, though i hate to say it, as it sounds cheesy and crap, changed my life quite significantly.
there. i've said it. shoot me.

this year i've found that i can still contribute, politically and personally to the world outside my living room without actually even leaving it. that i can record visually and with words the stuff that surrounds me, and invades me. i can still learn, have fun, discover new music, film and art, and meet and be inspired by strangers, without spending silly amounts of cash, twisting my ankle and spending the rest of the day moaning and drinking flat coca cola in sunglasses.

but most important of all, i've learnt that i can do some things i never knew i could do. some things that i love, and that now i've started i will never be without again.
and through doing those things i've not only met all of you, but i've made some amazing 3d friends for myself and for my children. friends that i hope to meet one day. and i've found that i can earn money which will allow me to do stuff that i love, by doing stuff that i love.

and i've met a man. the bestest man i've ever met. one who's nice to me. and supportive, and caring, and funny, and sexy, and can fix stuff, and has a nice penis, and wears hats, and who is strong and brave and not even angry when i expose his impending baldiness. who doesn't mind my beer belly, and accepts my shoes, and can hold an 'infinity in trousers conversation' with the lets. and who isn't scared of my mum, or my obsession with paolo nutini.
and he smells nice.

life is good here in my underpants.
and it smells nice.

thank you all for helping it to get that way. you have all contributed. and i will be eternally grateful. you challenge me and make me think. a lot. in a good way. mostly.

this is an anniversary that actually really meant something to me. one in which i can see the changes and progression of my life. and one that shows hope. this underoosery has been grood . and i look forward to many more with you. so cheers! have a drink on me ;)


now if only it wasn't another stupid valentines day here tomoro all would be peachy.
he might be fabulous but even macyummy's penis doesn't span oceans.



thank gaia for IM.

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this is what happens when mamahog's try to teach hoglets to read without a book budget.

these trotters don't help with the mouse control either obviously.

but i don't think it's too bad for a first novel.

i'm already working on my sequel ;)

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not that i'm obsessed or anything but frankly....



what is it with all these younger maclovelies who speak so eloquently to my soul?

nuff said.

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life's a funny old thing innit?

time and seasons weather us all. as the world turns around us and throws off its little shods of muck to splosh us in the back of our clean shiny trousers. or shods of earth in which we can grow something that eventually smells quite pleasant actually after lots of watering and careful pruning if you're willing to brave the threat of creepy crawlies and stick your nose in it.

...and breathe.
ooh hang on i think i need a beer.
.
.
.
.
yup that's better.

some things of course come easy and are pretty damn delicious and shocking and frankly hard to believe but real none the less. and marvelous.

but it's all always prone to change at the drop of a kilo.

and i don't just mean beer/life, and it's myriad mysteries.


i mean how my footsies swelled while i had babylets in my belly and now no longer fit into my poshestest of shoooezes. almost 5 years later!
snif.
i know i've complained of this in passing in many a post, but just tonight i was reminded again when i went to put on my favouritest louboutin's. the last time i looked (about 5 days ago) it was still possible to just about shqueeeeeeeezshe my flippers into their delicious leatheriness wiv the pointy bits and red underbits. yet tonight it most definitely was Not.
sob.
(i blame the internet)




so i had to go with the pradas.

the thing is.. one of these was a gift. the other was paid for with very hard earned cash. and both are beLOVEd. yet today neither allow me to walk. or at least not without cutting off a toe (louboutin) or looking as if i've been kneecapped (prada).
and that frankly is a fucking tragedy.

both used to be, once upon a dream, my favourite and mostly snuggliest comfiest (actually if we are talking about the louboutins then that's a slight fib if we really want to truthful. though they weren't THAT uncomfortable as far as stupidly high courts go, hell i wore them to my papas funeral, and that involved stacks of standing up)-and stay with me now- fuck-me shoes.
the lou's were total vamp. and the pradas always had that lovely sexy librarian feel to them.
either way they were wearable and yum. often.

but now they are purely decorative pieces in my hallway. and it's a rotten waste!
which all goes to reminds me that not all change is good. and though i have other sexy shoes that fit, none, frankly with ever be a scuff on these two.

so, thank plod for cheap cross-eyed shoe stretchery people just down the road. i've finally just decided that i'm gonna go down there tomorrow and beg.
(yes. just now. this minute. at time of writing actually.
remember. beer.)
BEG i tell you, for them to stretch my louvoulies to the limit. and then pray that i wont still need toe surgery.

coz thanks to the nice fertile earthy shods i've got a macyummy (who's turned on rather a lot by my well heeledness) coming Not soon enough, and a film festival opening (who because of the Not-soon-enough clause) i'll be forced to go to accompanied by the best looking but most fancyingMENtooingest date, and 1's of other stuff to do coming up, which will all require horny feet.

and all of you earthy shods will get to see their redsoliness next week. (even if it does mean the toe gets it.) so brace yerselves.




and i will too ;)

happy thursday sweetsneaks.

and trot on over to the sidebar for more...
if your feet can carry you.

edit: please forgive the load of old twaddle above. i was slightly squiffy at the time. and forgot the 'No Publishing Pants whilst Pished' rule.

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Labels: hnt, istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, rantlets

so after a much needed night alone with macyummy in a hotel room in london, i travelled the 6 hours back to cornwall alone on the train. wearing a low cut top and high heeled boots, i was flushed from my lovely night and fresh faced due to the obligatory weeping-a-little-at-the-airport. i sat at a table by the window, surrounded by bags filled with some much needed retail therapy from the station and let england's green and pleasant lands speed by romantically at my side.

a few hours into the journey 5 tall, polite though rather spotty young men with the stinkiest cheesiest feet ever got on and sat opposite me. they helped various old ladies with their baggage and chatted in some eastern european language. polish i think. they asked me the time once, and after answering with a smile i continued to read my book on english history the whole way.

except at one point, when, still avoiding eye contact, i put it down briefly to think a little on something it had said.

at which point i was promptly asked "excuse me please, but how much money would one kilo of potatoes cost in this your country?"


bloody cheek!!!

if that was a bizarre form of chat-up, (which i'm mortified to admit i doubt) then flippin 'eck babe, if you have to use groceries i'd suggest something more sexy like legumes? or asparagus. but either way i very much doubt any of it's gonna get you laid.. even with all that melted cheese in your shoes.


and i'd just like to add that from now on in public spaces i will endeavour to always keep my eyes glued firmly in front of me onto some first class hentai.

i mean really!! do i look like i know the price of spuds???

give. me. strength.

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i'm keeping everything crossed once again.
i may as well.. it's not as if i've got anyone nearby to bother uncrossing for.

so for another couple of months i'll be staying crossed.



and wishing up peace and love and health to some friends who sorely need it.

and courage and joy and health to some littles in need of those.

and a job in istanbul, and strength and calm to my macyummy.

and patience and faith and health and a little more patience to myself.



and maybe a little more joy for us all.
we could all do with some of that.

i've been feeling a little low...

i'm hoping high heels and positive thinking will save the day.

they usually do.

happy half nekkid thursday underpant people.

*

visit more nakedness via the sidebar button link thingy.

EDIT: actually this just cheered me up a bit

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