mamahog 'n the lets

kebabistan's arsewitted lawyers have only gone and banned wordpress now! stupid friggin pillocks.

sorry for the rudearsey but they actually did it a while ago and it's still in effect now. and that makes me a bit pissed off about the posterior frankly.
bloody fuckwittage.

so pretty pwiddy please go sign the petition as it's a bit of a ghost town around there at the mo.

and in the meantime anyone around here can go visit wordpress bloggers by swapping the wordpress for the wordprexy.
ie:

istanbuldespatch.wordprexy.com
cassowary.wordprexy.com
almax.wordprexy.com

those buggers don't swear nearly as much as me either, so you'll probably like it over there.

ta very much and tes(sounds like 'sh')ekkur ederim and sa(silent 'g')ol and merci and if you're really nice, and sign from every single one of your email addresses using lotsa different names i might show you my bum.

in other news... accuweather.com says that our weather on thursday will be "Beautiful with several hours of sunshine. Winds from the NE at 6 km/h.
Realfeel®: 27˚c " which i find quite sweet. "beautiful" is so much nicer than 'fine' or 'fair' or even 'sunny' dontcha think?
sunday's looking even more cheerful look: "Brilliant sunshine and beautiful. Winds from the NE at 19 km/h.
Realfeel®: 23 °C"
i guess that's something turkland still has going for it anyway.

superb!

ta ta for now :)

edit again... now the moronic, narrow-minded teeny-weeny willied little pricks have gone and banned wordprexy.com.
arsewipes.

it was all started apparently because the lawyers of a total wanker head of a cult here got upset when a wordpress blogger slagged his 'religion'/money-making cult off, and as they are money making cul/nts the've paid lawyers to ban the whole of wordpress.

-on a side note, the afforementioned religious wierdo published a massive and very heavy book recently about creationism which he gave to journalists on some plush boat parties/ book releases. one of those journalists gave it to me to have a giggle at during a girls night a while back. as i opened the great tome (snigger) at the first page of photographs... ferns actually, a bug flew up out of it and into my face FREAKING me the fuck out! i closed the book on the nasty little buzzer instantly, yelled VERY loudly and jumped a couple of metres across the room.
i was mocked. a lot. and finished yet another large glass of wine very quickly.
but when we finally did find the page again, there, clear as black glutinous squelch and perfectly squished flat was a giant bigger-than-a-horsefly-adactyl. and it CAME OUT OF THE BOOK!!!!!!!!

now that's creepy. or anabiosis. or creationism at it's weirdest.

anyway thats 2 reasons now why i now detest the disgusting pisspot and his bunch of white suited cronies who want to ban words on a screen.

in the meantime you can find wordpress from here by going via proxy.org and ignoring the ads.

i'm off to make up some new swear words. i'm almost out.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, rantlets

'tis true. 'n we are REALLY quite very good at this actually. 'coz i 'arken from down smugglers cove way i does. an the turribletwins was bornedown thur 'n all on a fairly cold spring day way back in naughty-two.

as you well knows by the now, we sailed as if by a winged serpent drectly on to the turklands, an, to our hugelynormousishlike credit, av' become the dreaded Pirates of PissTanBul.
'Cap'n loveday the RRRRRRrrrrrrrrr' and 'Cap'n vahshi yashi' * arr old 'ands at sharin the limelight, the command, the bounty, and stealin and kerbludgeonin. an we're busy doin undercover stinksomey work at an 'ighly gullable pre-schooly thingymajig at the moment. we got 'em well fooled that we' are sweetness 'n light fer now... but we're allweeys on the lookout for a weakness or an angle don'tcha worry 'bout that.
*'vahsi'- an old turkish/persian/azerbeyjani/arabic word, with a squiggly 's' wot means 'sh' means, in english luangijical terms: 'wild', 'savage', 'barbarous' or 'un-tamed' i'll av you know.

so ye go on an av a fine chattersome day me darlin's ('n don't go skimpin on the rum, it does grease the'old vocal achordilons a treat!) or a'll av ye come an swab the turkledecks for me. they're done covered in sgetibolnez thanks to the scummy young twosome.

oooh an afore i set sail in my faithful old bubblebathtub again, does this not freak the fuckockles out of anyone else? i've done stuck an hounds tooth in me ear, spit on a blackbeard and done 7 turns on the poopdeck for superstischious buggeries sake but 'them meteors spreadin the plague sure do put the willies upa'me hind quarters an no mistake!

now Garrrawaywiya ya bunch of lilylivered bottom-of-me-toothbrush-pot-scum-bags!

phrrrrrt.


edit wednesday evensong whilst taking a gander at the 'fashion police' at the emmies: shiver me underpants me 'hearties... but be will ye New Worlders PLEASE be beggin me pardon and for the love of all thats wicked and wonderous STOP using the travestious phrasing "Umpire waist" (phugh!) and be using the most truthful greatness that is "Empire waist"?
even us vagabonds know that most umpires waists leave little to be desired.
but an empire waist is about the only goodly thing to come from that filthy french (HakPthUgh!) floozaphine the empress of old.

and it hurts grievously my dandyish floppy armed shirted soul to 'ear such foulness bein' said over again by so called fashiony expertieses.
'urts i say.
and maketh me wanna stab something nastily female in blue taffeta, with stupid flippish 'air.
so it does.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, the wonderlets

oh yes sure they look innocent enough here...

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Labels: istanbulundercover, other., the wonderlets

bugger-it-all!
i had wanted Fart Wars to stay up for another day or so at least.
as it is so light, and funny, and stooopid. and brilliant. n stuff.

but instead, fucking arseholey fuckwittage mongering facefook.cunts have gone and done something so moronic...

that i'm going to have to post some more pictures of

BOOOOOBIES & BABIES
instead.
just to redress the balance.

so these are for you facefook.

...obviously this would all be more effective if i could bombard their stupid site with booby-babies, but frankly, i never wanted to join the tossers website anyway. i've got enough to do and you can bloomin google me if you're a long lost friend who's got nothing better to do for gawds sake.

so there, with nipples on.

byeeeeeeeee :)

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Labels: hnt, istanbulundercover, rantlets, the wonderlets

right then, i think it's time for some of this.........

sorry i'm laughing so loudly it's hard to hear the actual farts, but i promise they ARE real, and i had no idea they were coming. i'm not even sure he did.
though he's a boy so he probably did.

that's eric by the way. my fantastic nephew :)
enjoy.

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Labels: other.

today.

with this age, i have begun to miss people i've never even met.
i mourn their absence from the lives of others,
and the impossibility of my ever running into them and exchanging a smile, or maybe even a frown, for who can tell what might have been.
the time has passed.

but with each tear i shed for these strangers lost, with each swelling in my throat and behind my eyes, i am grateful for my distance.
grateful for the impalpability of my connection.
for having no sensual memory of touch, or smell, or taste to miss, i remain one of the lucky.
feeling so much as i do i cannot begin to comprehend the loss for those who knew.
but i can hear the whisper of infinite sadness.

and so i can only delve into their stories.
the ones that i missed.
to ensure that i feel something yet.
to ensure that i don't forget.
to ensure that the imprint of those lives will endure, with more than just those that actually held and inhaled them.

in each of our private journeys, we must remember.
my grandparents stories, my aunts, my uncles are being forgotten gradually.
and i know i should remember them all for as long as i'm able.
stories of joy and the stories of horror.
we retell them in order to learn. and to face the future in better understanding.
and through a worlds grief and remembrance, my children must learn it too.

and for as long as i am here, to show them,
we will share every story we know.
we will learn about life and about the ones now gone, and we will search out their tales.
we will celebrate the joy that each life has shown, as we cry for their loss.
and we will continue to hope that less are lost each day.

and throughout this age, and the next, we will remember,
and we will continue to miss more people, that we have never even met.
and mourn the impossibility of our ever running into them and exchanging a smile, or maybe even a frown, for who can tell what might have been.
that time has passed.


please do follow these links, to read part of the stories of three wonderful human beings who deserve to be remembered.

take care my friends. and hug those you love extra bearhuggilly today.

you can find more of last years tributes, the new ones and the list of names, at these links...
project2996 main
last years tributes

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although i miss my babies terribly, (they're on holiday with their baba)
and i miss my boyfriend horribly, (he's on holiday with all his old friends and family in seattle) (and he got his bags nicked as soon as he arrived, which included his laptop and my CamerA! soB. )
and i cried a LOT yesterday because i miss them all dammit, (especially my camera)
and i suddenly get scared?? alone, after living alone most of the bloomin time for the last 20 years (it's all since STOOOoopidly watching 28 days a couple of months ago. bloody idiot.), (angry zombies that can run are fucking SCARY!! and it could happen. ggrrrrrrrr),
(sorry, all that text size-change stuff hurts my eyes too, but i'm too squiffy to sort it out now.)

,,,,,,,,being finally back in MY OWN HOME, drinking lots of wine, staying up ricockulously late, having my period and listening to all my old favourite sUPER dooper emotional boy singery music is flippin buuRilliant FUUUUN.

but it is also funny that the worst thing about being blissfully happily in LOVE, is that it always has the side effect of making us neglect our old loves like paolo and damien and iron and wine, and even the streets.
and then we (or maybe just I) go through a kind of guilty cheating thrill when we (I) get alone time to get all smoochy with them again. maybe more so as we (I) have the added thrill of not feeling like that anymore. but i still love the faint memory of 'pain' and in the knowledge that it can always come again, i strongly believe that it's always good to stay friends.
you (I) wouldn't want to be left all alone ever without boy's-to-sing-at at as back up if the world did crumble again huh.

so i am guilty of NOTHING. it's not cheating if the object of my obsession is only occasional, and doesn't know i exist and is famous. and only makes me sing. right. and i do sound good once i'm boozed up.

and it's inspirational. i now have a soundtrack, and only need to edit about 3 months real time video and photos together to go along with it.
and i will do that as soon as i've stopped singing loudly and dancing and slept and sobered up.

laundry's all done.

but cigarettes would still make it all an ELEVENTYGAZZilionGaGILLION times better. in trousers.
buggeritall.

me pissed :)
...and making eyes at i-tunes ;)

'grant my last request, and let me hold you,
don't shrug your shoulders,
lay down beside me,
sure i can accept that we're going nowhere,
but one last time lets go there,
lay down beside me.
for one last time lets go there,
lay down beside me.
lay down beside me.
OoooowooooOooooowooh'

night.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, rantlets